The Great Detective
by CowsRUs
Summary: Jenny and Vastra are called to investigate a mysterious murder - but all is not as it seems... This is my first attempt at publishing anything like this so I hope you like it :)
1. Chapter 1

My first attempt at anything like this so I hope you like it :) Finished!

The Great Detective

Chapter One

Vastra awoke slowly, feeling the heat of her maid (and wife) pressed against her side and sighed happily. Then, remembering why she awoke, frowned and glanced at the clock. It was half past six in the downstairs she could once again hear the insistent knocking at the door. Where was Strax when you needed him?

"Strax!" Vastra bellowed. In reply came ill disguised muttering that sounded something like "demanding reptile" as he opened the door. Unfortunately, her cry had woken Jenny, who sat up suddenly, confused, black hair tumbling around her face and glinting in the light. Vastra's breath caught momentarily as she gazed upon Jenny's beautiful features. "Hush my dear. Just someone at the door."

From below came "What do you want human scum?" Then, more pleasantly "Would you like to step inside?" . Evidently flustered the person at the door replied "No... yes, no. It's just I need to speak with Madame Vastra immediately. There's been a murder."

Within five minutes both Jenny and Madame Vastra had dressed, attached swords to the insides of their thick winter coats ready for later and dashed downstairs to find the disheveled looking man sat by the fire, nervously eyeing Strax. As they entered he stood up to greet them, holding out his hand to Madame Vastra.

"The infamous Great Detective. Madame Vastra, we meet again." His eyes glittered in the flickering candlelight and, had Vastra been more adept at reading human emotion, she may have recognised the jealous glint they momentarily contained.

"Ah DCI Branning. I would say it's nice to see you, but it hardly ever seems to turn out that way."

"No. Indeed it doesn't. And I'm afraid to say this is no different." replied Branning.

"A murder?" inquired Vastra

"Young woman. Mid twenties. Stabbed with a sword in the chest. No signs of theft - she still had all the takings from the day's match selling."

Vastra's stomach flipped and she pulled Jenny closed to her side.

"Ma'am, please you're urting me!" Jenny breathed. Suddenly, realising how tight her grip was on the fragile human, Vastra released her.

"I'm so sorry my darling!" Vastra gasped "it's just ..."

"I know." whispered Jenny and squeezed Vastra's hand quickly. Vastra herself had saved Jenny's life back when she was a mere match girl. She had called it 'returning the favour' but they both knew it meant so much more shook her head and continued brusquely.

"Jenny, please fetch the coats and swords from the bedroom. Strax, a word in the kitchen if you may. Mr Branning we will meet you outside by the cab in a matter of minutes."

The Paternoster Gang exited their house to find DCI Branning puffing on a cigarette by the carriage."I didn't know you smoked" remarked Madame Vastra.

"Never at work" he replied "Jus' sometimes when I'm alone, it helps gather my thoughts."

With a nod they all climbed in the carriage, except Strax who climbed into the drivers seat."Get us as close as you can - second alley off of Baker Street" Branning shouted up to Strax. "Rather ironic don't you think?" remarked the policeman but was met with a terse silence by Madame Vastra.

The rest of the journey passed in silence until the carriage stopped with a jerk. Mr Branning slipped his posh looking packet of cigarettes inside his jacket and exited the carriage, shortly followed by Madame Vastra. Before Jenny could exit however Strax positioned himself in the doorway. "My apologies boy, but my orders are to prevent you leaving this carriage using any means possible. I have grenades and cyber monkeys at my disposal." Strax stared unblinking at Jenny as she arched an eyebrow. "She may have said no grenades... But I still have the monkeys!"

Jenny rolled her eyes as Strax locked the door, standing guard firmly outside the door. Inside she pulled off her thick dress to reveal her leather one piece and array of swords. Slipping one in to the holster on her back she silently opened the window of the carriage and slipped out onto the cobbles below.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

As Jenny crept round the corner onto Baker Avenue she could make out Vastra's veiled head and the shorter, balding one of DCI Branning. Her foot crackled as she stood on a pile of ash near the edge of the alley. Shaking it off, she continued.

"Whole alley untouched pretty much since the incident. Member of the public reported hearing screams and the whole area was cordoned off. You were summoned immediately. As was I. On my only bloody day off." Branning informed Vastra.

"So what do we think the motive is?" piped Jenny. Both Vastra and Branning spun around. Vastra's scaled hand whipped out and grabbed Jenny of the shoulder."I thought I asked you to stay in the cab!" she hissed. Jenny raised her eyebrows at 'asked'. Whenever she did that Vastra felt her heart melt like butter. She continued more meekly "I can't have you getting hurt."

"What was the defence trainin' for then?" questioned Jenny forcefully, gesturing to the sword on her back.

"Not physically. Emotionally. This is not nice, I don't want you to have to see this." whispered Vastra. Just then an 'Ahem' broke through the scene and the two women turned to face the Inspector.

It was then Jenny saw the woman. She was slumped against the bricked up end of the alley, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth. A large sword was sticking out of her chest. Jenny gasped. It was a horrible sight, made worse by the look on the girls face, one of surprise... and pain.

"I thought you may know her." Vastra said to Jenny her voice full of worry "I didn't want you to see if you did." Jenny shook her head. Thankfully she didn't know the poor woman. But someone did, and they would want to know what had happened.

"So what do you think ma'am?" Jenny asked as calmly as she could muster. "Judging by the stain on the cobbles she was dragged here after being stabbed by someone who was presumably lying in wait just by the entrance of the alleyway. Didn't want her to be found by the looks of it."

"Perhaps it was an accident and they panicked?" Jenny volunteered.

"Maybe." Vastra replied. "But it takes a certain sort of person to be carrying a sword like that. My guess is they wanted something for free - but got more than they bargained for in this particular woman. Ended it before there was a scene." Branning nodded.

"Seems odd they left the sword though...". At this DCI Branning looked towards the Silurian questioningly, as if he himself were stumped.

"Yes... Does seem very much as though they didn't plan this. And if they did plan, didn't think about how they'd get a blood soaked sword back through London. The best thing may have seemed to leave it, but it could prove to be our biggest clue."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The woman's body had been removed from the scene and the sword had been given to Madame Vastra for investigation. At first glance it was fairly unremarkable, but closer inspection showed it was a finely worked blade and the gold coloured inlay on the handle was proved, by Vastra's incredible sense of taste, to be real gold.

The sun was rising, and as it did so it glanced off the bottom of the handle, catching in it a set of initials - P.C.M. This did not seem to mean anything to either Vastra or the inspector, and Jenny herself had no clue.

With one last sweep of the scene Vastra declared " I think we have gained all we can from being here. Jenny and I will retire and mull the case over. When we have solved it I will be in touch. "

"Oh..." said Branning, sounding rather disappointed. "So you don't know who did it?" Rather snappily Madame Vastra replied "No. But as soon as we find out who owns the sword I feel we shall. Good day to you."

Jenny turned to go with Vastra, as she did, pausing to wave at the lone policeman. He looked as though he was going to have anything but a good day.

As they approached the carriage, Strax nodded to Vastra and, upon seeing Jenny, nearly toppled over. He flung the carriage door open to find Jenny's overdress in a heap and the place empty. "What magic is this, boy!" he demanded, poking a stubby finger at Jenny's stomach.

With a grin on her face she replied "It's called a window Strax", laughed and climbed gracefully into the carriage followed by her wife. After firmly securing the door, Strax waved his fist menacingly at the carriage and muttered "Damn window".

All the way back to Paternoster Row, he could be heard complaining to himself about how cyber monkeys and stun guns would have contained the situation much the carriage, Jenny curled herself up in Vastra's lap. Vastra was slowly stroking her hair, thinking about how beautiful it was. No other human had hair that danced in the sunlight the way hers did.

"I'm sorry " Jenny said suddenly. "I jus' didn't want to be left out."

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry." sighed Vastra. "I just wanted to protect you. But in the end it would have just been better if I'd let you come but prepared for what you may have seen. Strax is awfully good in a fight but is much too impatient for a guard. I should have known you would outwit him, and easily at that too. I just can't help but love you so much that I don't want to see you hurt." She finished in a rush, welling up with emotion.

As she lifted her head, Jenny's lips came up to meet her own. "I love you more" she whispered and pressed her pink lips into the Silurian's own surprisingly soft, green ones. Vastra tried to resist, to tell her that she loved her more but Jenny's fingers had begun to tease along her neck, and with a moan she pushed back, letting her reptilian tongue slide with ease alongside Jenny's delicate mammalian one.

It felt as if they were in that embrace for hours, but in reality it was mere minutes. They were roughly jolted back to reality by the abrupt stop at Paternoster Row and the remembrance of the case they had to solve. With a sigh they headed inside (Strax with a suspicious glare at Jenny) to see what progress could be made on the owner of the sword.

By the time the sun set Jenny and Vastra had worked their way through almost all the books in the vast library searching for anyone with the initials P.C.M. Jenny had once inquired about how Madame Vastra had collated such a vast library in her short time in Victorian Londan. She had replied that it, along with all the other furnishings in the house, belonged to the previous owner - Jenny didn't like to think what had happened to the previous owner.

Suddenly Jenny exclaimed "Ma'am! Look... 'One of the wealthiest of the landed gentry families in London is headed by Lord Patrick Charles Merriman. It is believed the heir to his vast fortune will one day be the grandson who shares his name.'"  
Madame Vastra smacked her palm to her head. "Of course!" Without explaining she set out across the study towards a stack of back issues of newspapers - a must for any detective. "Here" she said triumphantly passing a paper to Jenny.

She read:  
_'HUGE HEIRLOOM HEIST- Patrick Charles Merriman, grandson and heir to the late Lord Merriman has fallen victim to an armed attack by the infamous Towers Gang. One man was apprehended after Mr Merriman knocked him out with a helmet from suit of armour, however the others escaped with a valuable hoard containing many precious heirlooms such as Lord Merriman's gold inlaid sword and thousand of pounds of diamond jewellery' _

"Really DCI Branning or I should have seen this one coming. I just never expected that sword to be found" Vastra said, sounding exasperated at herself. "It has been rumoured for years the Towers gang have used that sword as a taunt to policemen across the country. As each member got arrested one by one, the next 'inherited' the sword until the last person left out of jail remained with the sword."

Jenny inquired excitedly "Who? Who was the las' person outa jail ma'am?"

"Daniel 'Slippery' Sparrows. So called for his extraordinary talent at evading capture in the tightest of circumstances. If we are going to catch this man once and for all we are, dare I say it, going to need help."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"So. Who exactly are we goin' to meet again?" Jenny asked as they set off, sun setting behind them, having spent most of the day in the library

."Mr Jonathan Reed. The man responsible for putting the five other members of the Towers gang behind bars, and may I add, a whole lot more competent than our Mr Branning."

The two ladies climbed out of the carriage in front of a well kept, beautiful, three storey townhouse. Madame Vastra adjusted her veil so that it fully covered her features and turned to Jenny.

"Now my dear, Mr Reed is not quite as ... open minded... as Scotland Yard today, so I'm afraid that if we are to make the right impression our relationship must appear strictly professional."

" Why of course ma'am" Jenny replied, giving a small curtsy, eyes twinkling mischievously. Vastra grinned back then rapped sharply with the brass door knocker on the heavy wooden door.

"Good Afternoon. Please may I take your name and the reason for your visit today?" inquired an polite voice. In the doorway was a smart, well dressed man they presumed to be the butler. They had left their own butler with the carriage, feeling it may be somewhat counterproductive if the man they came to talk to ended up being obliterated.

"Certainly. My name is Madame Vastra and this is my maid Jenny Flint. We are here on behalf of Scotland Yard, investigating a case. We believe Mr Reed may be able to help."

"Please step inside ma'am. I will just go and fetch Mr Reed from his study."The two were guided into the reception room where Madam Vastra took a seat in a plush purple armchair. Jenny remained standing behind her. Very soon the door creaked open and a portly, balding man stepped into the room aided by a cane. He peered at Jenny and then Vastra through his monocle and creaked down into a chair

"Women in the police force? That's a first." remarked the man gruffly.

"Mr Reed. You may know me better as The Great Detective or possibly the Veiled Detective?" Vastra replied sharply.

"That's you?" The old man sounded surprised and the monacle fell from his eye, but immediately his demeanour softened. "My my! I did love the way you solved that Sweetville case. Nasty one that - a top notch bit of detective work there. Almost as good as me in my hey day!" He grinned wryly at Madame Vastra and continued "So, I hear despite this triumph you women need my help after all?" He winked at Jenny who awkwardly looked down.

Vastra visibly twitched and, after regaining her composure, replied "Yes. We need to know all you have on Daniel Sparrows."

There was a short silence. "Ah yes. He was the bain of my career that one. Always puffing on his cigar jauntily as he crawled out of our grasp once again. He's the one with all the gold now - I presume you know all about the Merriman Heist?"

"Of course and that is partly why we a-"

" 'Ang on!" Jenny interrupted. "Did you say cigar?"

"Yes." said the man tersely.

"Sorry it's jus' as I was gettin' out the cab yesterday, I stood in a pile o' ash at the star' of the alley. It fits! 'E's the murderer!" Jenny said excitedly.

"Excellent my d- ... Miss Flint! It seems we have our man!" said Vastra sounding rather proud.

"If you don't mind me interrupting..." said Mr Reed tentatively. "It's just that you appear to have a crime which Daniel Sparrows has committed - am I correct? "

Vastra frowned. "Yes..."

"Well like so many women you appear to be rushing to conclusions - a very bad idea. Unless my connections with Scotland Yard have suddenly become defunct, it would appear you have the wrong man."

"What?"

"You see, nearly a year ago now I helped mastermind a plot which put Daniel Sparrows in prison, and, to the best of my knowledge, has kept him there." He flashed another smile at Jenny.

"Preposterous!" cried Madame Vastra. "It would have been national news if the elusive Slippery Sparrows had been jailed!"

"You see Madame it was the news that was the problem. With the whole heist's fortune now laying with him, we realised that Sparrows was bribing his way out of prison. Younger officers held money more in regard than justice, so he simply had to flash a bit of jewellery and snap he was gone without a trace... In a highly classified operation last year Sparrows was apprehended and jailed without the knowledge of anyone but the highest Scotland Yard officials, myself and the DCI at the station where he was held, Bartholomew Branning. Funnily enough, he didn't escape as no one knew he was there. No bribes, no escape... I have to say, it was hard on DCI Branning, all that hard work and no one to recognise him for it!" he gave a chuckle. "So unless Slippery Sparrows has escaped without my knowledge, I would find it hard to say he was responsible for the crime."

There was a silence as Madame Vastra and Jenny absorbed the news."Well... That is interesting... Thank you ever so much for you help Mr Reed. It was much appreciated. Jenny and myself will be getting on now. I do hope we can see each other again."

It was rather forced but Vastra shook the man's hand and smiled. Jenny followed but instead of a handshake, Mr Reed pulled her into a hug. She was caught off guard as as she wobbled onto Mr Reed, his hand swept up between her legs. Jenny gasped and pushed away. "I'm married!" she cried in shock but he merely winked and shrugged as if that wasn't an issue for him. With tremendous force she slapped him in the face and ran out tears pricking in her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Well that is frustrating!" exclaimed Madame Vastra. "I was convinced we had our m- Jenny! Are you ok? Why are you crying?!"

Vastra leapt across the carriage in concern, cradling Jenny in her arms once again. "What is it my dear? Was it me?" her huge blue worried eyes stared down into Jenny's as she dabbed them with a handkerchief.

"No no! Of course no' " Jenny said "It's nothin' really ma'am!" As vile as that man has been Jenny didn't think he deserved to be eaten by Vastra in a fit of rage.

"Jenny you don't have to call me that now! We are married and you are only my maid for appearances sake!"

"I know, I know and I love you so much and nothin' will ever change tha'. I love bein' married to you." Jenny dabbed again at her eyes

"Are you su-"

"I'm fine- 'onest!" Jenny grinned at Vastra who could not quite work out how to approach the situation seeing as Jenny was now both crying and smiling. This concerned her and she felt the must read up on how to deal with this. But for now she left Jenny and the journey home continued in companionable silence.

Back at Paternoster Row Jenny put the kettle on and Madame Vastra retired to the study to telephone DCI Branning. Despite the telephone being available to the public for just three years, Madame Vastra had purchased one immediately and had convinced Scotland Yard to do the same for each of its forces. Frankly she could not comprehend how it had taken the apes so long to invent this, the simplest of devices.

"PC Archer, London Metropolitan Police. How may I help?"

"I need to speak to DCI Branning immediately. It is Madame Vastra."

"Of course Madame... Just a mo..."There was the crackle of static and a murmur of voices then the phone was picked up."Ah Madame Vastra, I take it you have made progress then?" he sounded expectant. He needed good news, a murder and no suspect was no good for anyone.

"Yes, you could call it that." Madame Vastra replied. "The sword - P.C.M. Patrick Charles Merriman. Owned last by Daniel Sparrows. I though you would have recognised that one."

"Oh God!" Branning exclaimed "How could I not..." he groaned. His bad day had just got worse.

"Yet today I found out he had been detained and is still...?"

"As far as I ... Oh god he can't have escaped... Madame Vastra I am going to have to ring you back..."The line went dead.

Retiring to the sitting room Vastra closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temples massaging them. She was so caught up in her own thoughts she did not realise Jenny walk up behind her. With a gasp Vastra felt soft warm fingertips press themselves into her shoulders, massaging carefully. Their rubbing was therapeutic and occasionally, as they danced up closer to the ridges along her neck, rather erotic.

"Oh Jenny!" Vastra murmured. She slid her arms behind her and around Jenny's waist. With a sharp tug she pulled her wife around, over the arm of the sofa and into her lap. Jenny giggled as she threw her arms around Vastra. How Vastra loved that laugh, her soft warm eyes, mischievous grin.

"You make all of this mess so much more bearable" she whispered to Jenny, grinning herself now. She leant over and tugged softly at Jenny's ears with her teeth - this time it was her turn to gasp. Taking advantage of her momentary vulnerability, Vastra flipped Jenny again, this time onto her back, straddling her and pinning her arms above her head. Struggling half heartedly, Jenny tried to get loose, bucking up and down, which only served to excite them both more. Deftly, Vastra tied Jenny's hands with a handkerchief and grinned

"Tut tut ... Was all that defence training useless?"

"Against you I'm defenceless" Jenny replied, biting her lip.

"I believe that is actually me" breathed Vastra as her heart flipped at the sight of Jenny's teeth clamping down on her lip. Her fingers danced down Jenny's arm, across her chest and began to slowly untie the knot holding her dress together. And then the phone rang.

Vastra furiously slid off the sofa. She had actually momentarily forgotten all about the other humans and their consistently ill timing. With a peck on Jenny's cheek she swiftly went to the phone. Snapping more than she really meant to she answered.

"Yes?"

"Oh.. yes. Madame Vastra, it's me." It was DCI Branning. "I've just rung Strangeways high security prison. I tell you it's a right faff enquiring about a prisoner that technically doesn't exist! Well anyway I finally got through and they have confirmed the prisoner is still in his cell and the doors have been locked for the last five days. The cell has been checked and there is no way he could have escaped. Although if he had, I don't know why he would've come back."

"Right. Thank you Branning."

"I believe you have come to the same conclusion then ma'am?"

"Certainly. It would appear someone has tried to frame Daniel Sparrows for a murder that, even though they didn't know it, he couldn't have committed. That would explain why the sword was left in the body. It also suggests this was premeditated and that means we possibly have a serial killer on our hands, if they had killed and thought about how to cover it up. It is rather a clever way of doing it, trying to cover his tracks by framing others each for the deaths meaning the murders are not linked. However as no other murders have been reported in the area, we could still resolve this before anymore deaths. I suggest we call an emergency meeting tomorrow at 9."

"... Of course ma'am right away... I hadn't thought about a serial killer. This could be worse than we first anticipated. I knew there was a reason they called you the Great Detective!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

That night the pair curled up together in bed, neither sleeping soundly, mulling over what the day had revealed. As a result, when the time came for the meeting, neither really felt like attending.

"C'mon ma'am - you know they'll never solve it without us"

"I suppose you're right Jenny - lets go!" They made it to the police station just in time. Strax had got lost on the way despite it being just ten minutes. Jenny didn't really like the police station, it's dark dingy interior lit only by a few oil lamps, no windows. It made her feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable, but she'd never tell Vastra that. It was worth it to keep up with the investigation.

Just then Branning appeared, a grin cracking over his face. He was never normally pleased to see Madame Vastra.

"Madame Vastra, it's a pleasure." Vastra raised her eyebrows. "The meeting has been cancelled. We have some excellent news. Please follow me." he walked swiftly down a corridor and inserted a key into a heavy door. "It appears that we have found the killer." Madame Vastra gasped and looked questioningly at Branning "Yes, I know! The police solved a mystery before the Great Detective!"

He grinned triumphantly before Madame Vastra snapped "Who was it and how did you know?"

"Well you see, when we captured Daniel Sparrows, he had this very sword on him." He pulled the gold sword out of the box in which it lay on the shelf. "It was catalogued and placed in the evidence locker." He gestured round. "Unfortunately it was stolen before I could properly examine it which is why I didn't recognise it yesterday. When you rang and said it was Daniel Sparrows I was convinced he'd escaped with the help of the accomplice who'd taken the sword. But it was not so. Stumped I examined this picture of the break in. Here the window is smashed where the burglar broke in. But if you look carefully , there's no glass on the floor. If someone had broken in from the outside the smashed glass would be on the inside, which means..."

"Someone smashed the glass from the inside." Madame Vastra finished, peering at the photograph.

"Exactly, someone already inside smashed the glass in order to make it look like someone else had broken in to steal the sword. Sound familiar?"

"Hmm yes... So how did you identify the suspect?"

"The only people with access to the evidence locker are me, and the officer on duty at time. The person on duty at that time was PC Geoffrey Archer, sadly one of our own PC's." Madame Vastra nodded whilst Jenny looked closely at the photographs.

Branning continued."When we then checked his name against the time of murder it appears he had been due to be on duty at the station - but had called in sick. Which possibly places him at the scene of two linked crimes."

"Well this seems very convincing Mr Branning. Do you mind if I question the suspect?"

"Of course Madame. This way" The three exited the evidence locker and headed down to the interview room. "You will need to have someone to accompany you Madame Vastra. May I?"

"Jenny will be absolutely fine thanks you." Vastra turned to smile at her wife and they linked arms to walk into the room. Branning's smile faltered but he soon recovered.

"Absolutely ma'am. I'll just go and get Geoff... Sorry... the suspect."

Inside the small room, Vastra and Jenny sat side by side, the latter poised to take note of the interview.

"Ready ma'am?"

"Absoultely!"

The door creaked open and DCI Branning appeared followed by two PC'S who were escorting the suspect. "I will have to lock you in Madame Vastra I'm afraid. In ten minutes and I will come and return Ge -... the suspect this cell.".

"Thank you Mr Branning." With that he backed out of the room and locked the door, leaving the suspect across the table from them. He was weeping silently. Looking to her left, Jenny saw Vastra seemed unconcerned by this. Jenny rummaged in her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Geoff looked up in surprise and thanked her, dabbing at his eyes.

"Mr Archer," Vastra began in a stern tone. "Where were you on the night of Saturday the 3rd September 1894?"

"I was at home ill - I already told DCI Branning this!"

"Yes but now you are telling me. What exactly was the nature of your illness?"

"I was being sick every hour - food poisoning I think. That pub food is dodgy."

"Hmmm. Maybe not the food but the drink? ... Who was at home with you?" Jenny scribbled this all down in her notepad.

"No-one. Me wife was at her sisters and we haven't got any children."

"So there is no one who can verify your whereabouts for that evening?""No, but honest it-"

"Thank you Mr Archer." She glared at him. "Explain the events of the night of October of 1893 when the evidence locker was accessed and a sword removed during your watch."

"A sword? They wouldn't say what had gone - top secret it was... Please will you tell me what is going on - I don't know nothing!"

"Mr Archer all I want is the truth - a confession will make this easier for you and me."

"But I don't even know what I'm supposed to have done!" Once again the eyebrows raised.

"First, please tell me about that night."

"Umm well, I was on the desk and it was a bit boring that evening. DCI Branning had stayed late. Something big - top secret - was going on and he has stayed late to finish the paper work" A sob issued from him and he dabbed again with the already sodden handkerchief. "Sorry ... I ummm heard a smash from the corridor which ends in the evidence locker. I got up got the key from the box by the door. When I went in the glass had smashed - evidently someone had broken in. Then DCI Branning rushed in and told me to sweep the room. There was no one left but also nothing appeared to have gone.

Then Mr Branning told me to get that pompous man from Scotland Yard on the line, his name was Chief Constable Randy I think. Anyway he came and told us that this was a classified incident and that was the last we ever heard of it."

"Thank you Mr Archer."

"Please ma'am can you tell me what it is I have to do with this?"

"Mr Archer you have been charged with theft of an item of evidence from the locker and then using said sword on the night of Saturday the 3rd September 1894 to murder an unidentified woman and then framing Daniel Sparrows for the incident, missing work to commit the act on the pretence of being ill."

Mr Archer gaped at the pair his eyes welling. " But I ... I didn't... Ask DCI Branning... He knows I'd never ..." He began sobbing.

"Mr Branning accepts the facts - which places you strongly as a murder suspect. He is doing his duty well."

Just then a knock at the door and a burly PC entered."My orders are to remove Mr Archer back to his cell."

"Certainly." The PC moved to grab Geoff who pulled away.

"Please no! Paul you can't believe this" The PC shuffled uncomfortably but said simply. "Sorry mate you have to come with me."

"NO! NO! It wasn't me! Madame please, you're the great detective you must know I'm innocent! Please help me!"

Suddenly Jenny jumped up her eyes filled with tears and dashed from the room. Vastra tried to stand up and follow her but the struggle playing out in front of her was becoming more physical.

"Geoff please" The PC steered the suspect towards the door with a firm hand on his shoulder."At least let me see my wife before you lock me away! You have to! Madame please!"

Sobbing he was dragged down the corridor and Madame Vastra leapt after Jenny.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

She found her wife crouched against the wall outside the police station, head in hands. When she saw Vastra approach Jenny stood and smiled weakly. Vastra simply put her arm round her shoulders.

They stood in a silent embrace as the city passed them by. Jenny had rested her head on Vastra's shoulders, not caring about the funny looks that were shot at them from the corners of peoples eyes. Finally Jenny turned to face her wife.

"Do you think it was him ma'am?" Jenny questioned.

"Why of course Jenny - all the evidence adds up." There was a pause. "But something is niggling at me and I can't quite put my finger on it. I find it hard to believe he killed one woman, let alone is a potential serial killer."

"I know... It's 'orrible how they can all so easily detain their friend without question. He was so upset and that 'orrible room... It all just got too much ma'am." Taking even herself by surprise, Vastra pulled Jenny into a fiery kiss.

"Ready?" She winked as she pulled away.

Jenny grinned "Ready."

Before they had even really entered the building once more Branning ran up to them, glee evident on his face. "Madame, I have some excellent news. Our case against Branning is growing by the minute. We have located an ex partner of PC Archer's and she has made a statement. He thrust a piece of paper into their hands and stepped back to afford them a better view in the poor light. It read:

_I was with Geoff for two years. We met at the pub where I worked. At first he was a real charmer, bought flowers and all even if he couldn't afford it. Then things started getting nasty. He never let me out the house. He used to beat me a lot. Over little things that would just start him off. In the end I ran away, found myself another man. It doesn't take much to make him flip. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up killing someone one day._

_Ruby Jenkins _

_I declare this to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth_.

"She came and spoke to us earlier and this is what she said. She had no knowledge of Geoff's detainment or of the case. I think this pretty much solidifies our case don't you?"

Madame Vastra pursed her lips and nodded.

"Then thank you for all your assistance in the matter Madame but I feel that we are no longer in need of your help on this case. This is pretty much wrapped up. We have our suspect and have probably prevented future murders. Thank you again, although this time it turns out we didn't need it!"

Vastra hissed and turned on her heel."Come on Jenny. I know when we are not wanted.". Together they swiftly excited the station in a huff.

"What an insolent little man!" fumed Vastra as they began the short walk back home. Neither knew where Strax had gone but he had mentioned 'natives' shortly before his disappearance. "Without our lead on the sword where would he be?"

"It's disgraceful ma'am it really is but there's nothing we can do about it..."

"Really?" Vastra raised her eyebrows at Jenny.

"No!" said Jenny "No. Absolutely not. Don't you dare do anything silly ma'am. You'll just get into trouble." With a 'humpf' the conversation dissipated into silence and hand in hand the two women returned home.

"A drink Vastra?"

"Oh yes please my dear" Vastra called down gratefully. Jenny poured the red wine and the not-red-wine (as she preferred to think of it) into two glasses and walked up to the room they shared.

Her wife was propped up in bed - studying a book the Doctor had brought her on 'Understanding Mammal Species' - and glanced up with a smile as her wife walked in and handed her the drink.

"Jenny, you know there is only one thing I like more in the world than seeing you with that nightdress on."

"And wha' would that be then?" replied Jenny with a grin.

"You without that nightdress on!" She reached out and pulled her wife onto the bed, tearing the nightdress with her claws.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

When Jenny woke that morning she found Vastra was no longer in bed. It wasn't unusual to find Madame Vastra sitting by the fire, deep in thought in the middle of the night. However it was early morning and normally she would be back in bed by now, at least pretending there wasn't something else on her mind.

Jenny pulled her clothes on and trudged downstairs only to find that Vastra was nowhere to be found. At a loss Jenny curled up in the armchair with a cup of tea and a strange sound filled the room, a kind of whirring whooping sound. Then she recognised it, just as the blue Police Public Call Box, also known as the TARDIS, materialised on the living room.

The door opened and out stepped Vastra who promptly froze when she saw her wife who was now stood with her hand on her hips."I thought you'd still be asleep, I'm sorry my dear."

"You didn't think I'd want to come?"

"I didn't think you'd approve. In fact I think you expressly forbid me to 'do anything silly'" she smiled apologetically.

"Ma'am! You could have got into trouble! What did you do?""The Doctor helped me clear up one thing I wanted to do..."At that point the Doctor himself jumped from the TARDIS, dressed as Sherlock Holmes complete with hat and cigar.

"Sherlock 'Olmes? Again?" Jenny laughed.

"Why yes!" replied the Doctor "I have a cigar now. Cigars are..." he drew in and coughed his face a picture of disgust. " ... Not cool."He dropped the cigar and the ash into a bowl on the table. He continued. "I happen to have to taken quite a shine to this outfit. It's the perfect disguise for breaking into a Police Station - really confuses people when Sherlock Holmes is caught in a cell!" he laughed then, catching the glance Jenny had just shot at Vastra, he realised he'd probably got her into trouble and stopped abruptly."Oops! I think I'll be heading off now then! Nice to see you both!" And with that he was gone.

Jenny turned to face Vastra. "You did what?"

"I have a niggling suspicion that I've missed something, that it's not Mr Archer that did it. The man can't face the death sentence without getting his last wish anyway - I took him for one last meeting with his wife ..."

"You are more 'uman than you'd like to think!" laughed Jenny. At that suggestion Vastra wrinkled her nose, hissed and flickered her reptilian tongue.

"Maybe not then... But wha' did the Doctor mean when he said 'when Sherlock 'Olmes gets caught in a cell'?" There was an awkward pause.

"Well... I think someone may have seen us momentarily but he's back there now so there's no problem."

"Ma'am! If anyone did see you you're in serious trouble!"

"Relax Jenny my dear. If anyone did,which I highly doubt, I can deal with it. Now sit down and let me get you another tea."

"Do you know 'ow to make tea?" Jenny said, failing to stifle a laugh. Vastra huffed indignantly and glided off to the kitchen.

Then something on the table caught caught Jenny's eye. It was the smouldering cigar that the Doctor had left. 'That's funny' she thought. The ash in the bowl was dark, much darker than the one in the alley and was in solid pieces, again not like the dust-like ash at the crime scene. Whoever had tried to unsuccessfully set up Daniel Sparrows, be it Mr Archer or not, they had not got the cigar ash right. Vastra would be pleased at the detective Jenny was turning into.

From the kitchen there came a loud crash and, what could only be swearing, in Silurian. Jenny ran in to see what was the matter. Vastra was stood near the fire, in the remains of a shattered kettle, looking very angry indeed.

"This guide is wrong!" she fumed. "I placed the kettle over the fire with the tea leaves in and it exploded! Something is wrong with the kettle, we shall have to replace it."

"It looks like we'll 'ave to," said Jenny, beginning to sweep up the pieces. "Anyways, a bad workman blames 'is tools. You must've done something wrong because never ever have I managed to break a kettle."

Suddenly an amused smirk flitted across Jenny's face.

"What?" snapped Vastra.

"Well, it's jus' ... Did you put any water in the kettle?"

"No. Why would I do that?"Jenny actually did laugh this time. "What do you think tea is made of! ... never mind I can clear this up."

Before Vastra could reply the doorbell rang. "Who is that at this ungodly hour?"

"There's only one person it could be ma'am..."

"Of course ... DCI Branning"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Good Evening Mr Branning. How may I help?" Said Madame Vastra curtly, dislike evident on her face. Branning was at the door puffing on a cigarette.

"Madame Vastra I am here to inform you that you are being officially fired by the Police Service and Scotland Yard. We now appear to be able to solve a case more adequately than the the 'Great Detective' so you help will no longer be required on this case. As a result of last night when you were seen trying to pervert the course of justice by attempting to free a prisoner suspected of murder you are now fired and will no longer be hired by the Police force on any future case. Good day to you."

With that he dropped his cigarette and put it out with his newly polished black boots. He turned swiftly and headed down the steps of the Paternoster Row house. Momentarily he looked back and said "Oh and by the way it's Detective Superintendent Branning now." With a smirk he strode off down the street, leaving the pair in stunned silence on the doorstep.

"How dare he!" cried Madame Vastra. "I would never free anyone! I was merely granting his last wish. Don't you just hate that smirk of his Jenny?... Jenny?" But Jenny wasn't listening. She had crouched down and was peering at the cigarette butt on the step."Jenny? What is it Jenny?"

"It's just that... Jus' now, inside, I realised the cigar ash tha' the Doctor left behind wasn't the same as that as in the alley. I thought they'd just made a mistake but... this ash here - its exactly the same! You don't think that...?"

Madame Vastra froze. "Of course! I've been so stupid! Who were the two people that had access to the evidence cupboard that night?"

"Archer and Branning..."

"And which one of those two was the only one who actually knew the sword was there?"

"... Branning! Archer could never have known the sword was there because he didn't know Sparrows had been arrested!"

"Exactly! Jenny call Chief Constable Randy. Tell him to come immediately. There just one more thing I want to check..."

"I'm sorry Madame Vastra but I don't quite understand... Are you telling me that DCI ... sorry ... Superintendent Branning murdered a young girl then framed two other people for it?"

"Yes."

"Preposterous!"

"I do not think so." relied Vastra calmly. "Let's start at the beginning, with the capture of Daniel Sparrows-"

"How do you know about that?" Chief Constable Randy had gone quite purple now.

"That is irrelevant. You see when the evidence was catalogued the sword mysteriously disappeared from the evidence locker which had been broken into. The fact it had been broken into from the inside had not been raised until yesterday, when Branning was ready to frame Mr Archer. When the pictures showed it had been broken into from the inside it could only have been Mr Branning or Mr Archer, as there were only two keys. Mr Branning knew Sparrows was in prison so why would it be him? Why would he try to frame someone he knew was in prison? Another excellent way to shift the blame."

Mr Randy gave a snort of disbelief. Vastra continued. "However Mr Archer was on duty all evening and the force keys to the locker were hanging by the door, in sight of Mr Archer all evening. Therefore, if someone was to break in they would have to use the only other set - Mr Branning's. As Mr Branning was in his office working late he would have had his keys on him the whole time, meaning it really could only have been him."

Chief Constable Randy laughed. "What if Mr Archer is simply lying... Have you not considered this?"

"Of course. But why would Mr Archer steal a sword that he didn't even know existed? The Sparrows case was classified."

"That still doesn't mean it is Mr Branning..."

"On the night of the murder, Mr Archer was at home with food poisoning. The day before Mr Branning had suddenly taken leave for the next day."

"That says nothing! In fact that pinpoints Mr Archer even more as the suspect!" The Constable's junior assistant was scribbling notes, furiously trying to keep up.

"I think not. You see I went to check the records today and found something Mr Branning had not told me. It was not just the sword that was taken that day, but also at least five diamonds. Diamonds that could easily be used to bribe Geoff's ex, who works at the pub to give him food poisoning as he ate there that evening to coincide with Branning's leave. Diamonds that could be used to illicit a false confession about Geoff's supposed violent nature. They all point to Branning trying to frame Archer. And, yes, I have managed to find his ex, Ruby Jenkins, and she has apologised and written a new statement which confirms my suspicions."

Randy gave a grunt but did not interrupt. Vastra handed him the statement which he skimmed and she sipped contentedly at her not-red-wine.

"I don't understand..." said Constable Randy eventually. "Why would DCI Branning murder anyone, and why frame Geoff?"

"Isn't it obvious? Mr Branning took not getting credit for his capture of Daniel Sparrows badly. This was then compounded by the fact his force was pretty much reliant on the 'Great Detective' to solve any of his crimes. He setup a murder that he could then solve, get the credit and get rid of me at the same time." Randy's face went through a variety of expression and colours.

"In order to pin this on him we need to prove he was at the scene... Do you have anything?"

"Jenny?" Vastra smiled at her wife

"Good evenin' Chief Constable. In answer to your question, yes. At the scene we found ash we presumed belonged to the cigar of Daniel Sparrows or, later, 'oever was impersonating 'im. 'Owever, today a... Friend... Dropped in with a cigar." Jenny gestured at the bowl on the table. "This ash is much darker and thicker than the one at the scene. I presumed the culprit 'ad just made an error. But then Mr Branning rang the door to inform us that we 'ad been... fired."

Vastra's face twisted into a grimace. Jenny quickly moved on.

"'E was smoking again and as 'e turn-"

"Branning doesn't smoke" said Randy confused.

"Never at work" said Vastra in a surprisingly good impression of Branning's voice

"Anyway 'e put out 'is cigarette on the step an' the ash was identical to the one at the scene. They looked like posh cigarettes. I'm sure there are not many others who 'ave those cigarettes." Vastra grinned proudly at her wife and Chief Constable Randy sat in stunned silence for a moment.

"Well, ma'am. I think we owe you an apology. And Charles" he said gesturing to his assistant, "Get the force on this. We need Branning arrested immediately and Mr Archer to be released. Thank you once again Madame Vastra. You have once more proved how indispensable you are to this force and ... As for the matter of you ... Err.. being fired... Would you please accept my humble apology and invitation back?"

"Why of course" said Vastra. "And of course Jenny will be joining me and I expect her to get full credit for this investigation"

"Absolutely ma'am, and thank you once again."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Later that day, the two women sat exhausted on the sofa. Branning had been arrested and stripped of his titles. The two women had made full statements and had been visited by the hugely grateful and emotional Mr Archer and his wife. They couldn't thank them enough and the the pair had eventually been invited over to dinner at the weekend. Strax was still not back from wherever he had found the 'natives'.

"Phew" said Jenny. "I'm glad that's over. Back to normal eh?"

"Hmm yes." replied Vastra. "Normal but with a bit more of what I've missed these last few days..."

"And what would that be ma'am"

"Why, you my dear!"


End file.
